


To Feel Loved

by LackOfComfort



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Romance, Self-Doubt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2021-02-23 12:37:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23711635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LackOfComfort/pseuds/LackOfComfort
Summary: Steven struggles as his problems begin to get the best of him. Luckily, he is able to find a distraction from his issues when Spinel arrives, seeking help with some of her own. However, what at first seems to be a simple distraction may just be what gives Steven the answers he was looking for...
Relationships: Spinel/Steven Universe
Comments: 4
Kudos: 41





	To Feel Loved

**Author's Note:**

> I don't personally feel that this story works too well with how SU Future went. But considering I initially wrote this sometime before the episode "In Dreams" released, I feel like I have some excuse. (other than just saying "it's not canon and I can do what I want") Anyway, please enjoy.

Steven threw himself on the couch in his home, thinking back on the day, exhausted. He had spent the day with Connie, which was nice, but he wasn't happy. He wasn't feeling happy for a while, and he knew he had to tell her, even if he couldn't exactly explain why. He had explained he needed some distance, time to try and figure things out, and she pretended to be okay, but he could tell she was upset. Of course they still wanted to be friends, but Steven was scared this distance would only grow. The half-gem had hoped to feel relieved after telling the truth, but his unhappiness only shifted to a feeling of guilt.

He leaned back, letting out a heavy sigh. He didn't want to think about anything, he just wanted to rest. Looking through the windows nearby, Steven noticed the sun setting. The sight relaxed him a bit, and a small smile crept onto his face. However, the thought was suddenly swept away by the sound of someone using the warp upstairs.

The sound of approaching footsteps left Steven concerned for a moment, that was until he laid eyes on a familiar gem making her way down the steps nearby. The gem's large pigtails bounced with each exaggerated, seemingly agitated step she took. She silently walked over, taking a seat on the couch and leaning backwards onto Steven. For a moment the two were silent, Steven confused by the gem's frustrated demeanor. They had met a small few times since their first encounter, but never like this. An awkward smile grew on Steven's face as he tried to ease the uncomfortable situation, "Hey Spinel, how's it-"

"The Diamonds suck!" the gem cut in, throwing herself forward in seemingly a fit of fury.

A simple "Wow..." was all Steven could say in response. Spinel let out an extremely troubled sigh, letting herself fall back onto Steven.

"I guess that's kinda harsh..." Spinel explained. "I mean, I'm grateful they gave me a place to stay, and they seem to care about me... sometimes, at least." The gem's frustration seemed to morph further into sadness, her unwillingness to support her own weight leaving Steven to support her. "It's just like they don't really think about _me,_ y'know? Like they just see me as another Pink or something..."

"Oh, come on," Steven started. "They said it themselves, 'we know that you're not her but you-'"

"I know what they said," Spinel interrupted before letting out another pained sigh. "It's just that sometimes it's like they _don't_ know I'm not her. Like yesterday, Blue called me Pink four times before correcting herself! The others aren't any better, either."

"It's... hard for them Spinel. They still really miss her."

"Does that mean they get to pretend I'm not me?" Steven was left silent by the question. "Just put me in Pink's place and act like nothing's changed?" The two sat for a moment, not a sound between them.

"I..." Steven started, still unsure what to say. "... Sorry..." Another long moment of silence passed, the feelings of guilt flowing back onto Steven with nothing to distract him.

Eventually, the gem broke the silence. "Why can they only think about her?" she asked. "Am I just not good enough for them? Am _I_ the problem?!"

"Spinel, no..." Steven attempted to argue, unheard under the gem's outburst.

"I just wish someone really cared about me..." Spinel wept, hiding her face in her hands. Steven's expression became gravely concerned. He adjusted on the couch, putting himself beside Spinel as he reached out, lightly taking hold of the gem's chin. He then slowly turned her face towards him. "...Steven?"

"I care about you, Spinel," Steven said, staring into the gem's eyes. They both sat still, holding the stare as tears began to well up in Spinel's eyes. She then threw herself onto the young man, burying her face in his chest and wrapping her arms around him. Steven froze for a moment before returning the hug. The two sat still for a moment, enjoying each other's embrace as the gem's tears left wet spots on the half-gem's shirt.

"Thank you," the gem said solemnly. Eventually, Spinel pulled away from Steven, arms still around him, locking eyes with him once again and admiring the large, endearing smile he shared with her. Spinel seemed to be in thought, lightly giggling to herself. Slightly confused, Steven chuckled along. He couldn't help but continue smiling, happy to see the gem sitting next to him in a bit of a better mood.

The two kept eye contact for a few moments before the gem began to slowly lean in, letting her eyes drift closed. Steven tensed up slightly, his heart beating a bit faster as he tried to take in the situation. He was unsure how to act as their faces grew closer together. Suddenly their lips met, and after a moment Steven felt the tension melt away as he leaned into the kiss. Spinel's grip tightened slightly as she pulled Steven in closer.

The two sat together, bodies growing closer and closer as passion continued to rise. Their bodies were soon pressed together, Steven's mind felt like it might be going blank. After a bit of time, the two broke the kiss. "Gee Steven, you really like this, don't ya?" the gem asked, her face only inches from Steven's.

"Can't say you're wrong," he replied with a small laugh. Spinel giggled back before diving into another kiss. Steven felt the gem's tongue push past his lips and begin to tangle itself with his. Their tongues fought as Steven felt his heart rate increase further with his excitement. He had begun reach the point where all he could think of was how good she tasted. _So nice, so sweet._

"You're so cute," Steven started, pulling away again. "So... perfect." He hadn't thought about it much before, but right then it felt like the only way he could describe her. A blush quickly spread over the gem's face.

"P-perfect?" Spinel asked. "You really think...?" The gem looked away, a sheepish smile creeping onto her face. Steven placed his hand on her cheek, turning her head to face him again.

"I _know_ , Spinel." Tears once again began to roll down the gem's face, but her smile only grew. Their lips came together again, the show of emotion only growing greater. Steven could taste her tears. _Salty, but still just so sweet._ Their bodies were held tightly together, the passion between them nearly growing too great for them to handle. Steven backed off for a moment to throw off his jacket, his body heat rising. He heard Spinel let out a short whine in the moment he pulled away, desperate for him to come back. They were back together in an instant, the gem's satisfaction clearly showing.

Steven felt Spinel's grip on him tighten slightly as he ran a hand through her hair. _So soft._ He pulled back again to look at her face, tears still falling. He lightly brushed a tear off of her cheek, causing the gem to awkwardly laugh in response. "Sorry..." she said quietly.

"No, you're okay," Steven quickly responded.

"I just... can't stop," Spinel explained, reaching to wipe off her face.

"That's alright," the half-gem said, carefully taking hold of Spinel's wrist. "Cry as much as you need." Spinel flashed a smile at him as she pulled away slightly to give herself space. The two sat, looking into each other's eyes as tears dropped from the gem's chin. Steven gently placed a hand on the back of Spinel's head, leaning her forward to rest their foreheads against each other. He ran his hand down the gem's back, causing her to shiver slightly. "Oh! sorry."

"No, it's fine," Spinel reacted, stopping Steven before he could pull his hand away. "Just... unexpected is all." She sniffled slightly, the tears finally slowing down.

"You okay?" Steven asked simply, head still rested against Spinel's as he looked into the pair of eyes mere inches from his own. Spinel attempted to nod, moving Steven's head with her own and causing them both to giggle in response. Spinel inhaled sharply, as if she was about to say something, but she simply sighed lightly as she let her eyelids fall. "Got something to say?" Steven questioned. Spinel had a worried expression, but found herself slightly calmed by taking one look at Steven's smile.

"I... love you, Steven," she eventually said, obviously frightened as she waited for a response. A harsh blush overtook the young man's face, a slight feeling of shock running through him. He somehow hadn't seen the confession coming after their time spent on the couch. It took him a moment to process the situation, terrified once he realize he left Spinel hanging.

"I think I love you too," he said excitedly, feeling himself tear up slightly. The growing happiness on Spinel's face eventually grew into laughter, causing Steven to laugh as well. The two became wrapped together in another hug, Steven feeling as if he might be crushed by the energetic gem, but he didn't mind. He pulled back to look into Spinel's eyes again, _so beautiful._ The two began to kiss once again, the passion yet again arising feeling strangely different, seemingly better, after the truth had come out.

Suddenly, the two began to shine, being quickly consumed in a blinding light. The light shone bright for a moment, quickly dispersing as the two figures became one. "Oh my..." the form uttered as they tried to take in their situation. The new fusion began inspecting themselves, pale pink skin, Steven's familiar shirt, now too small to fit normally, and jean shorts on top of white leggings with basic pink shoes. "Guess that's a fair balance," they commented, referring to the shoes. They then took notice of their two puffy, curly pigtails, a warm shade of dark brown.

They wrapped their arms around themselves, giggling as they stood up and spun around. "Wow..." they said simply, fully taking in their form. _Something didn't feel right._ The fusion's breath suddenly began to quicken before their body tensed up. They were torn apart, Steven and Spinel falling back onto the couch.

"Shoot, that was weird," Spinel said frantically. "That was too much, wasn't it?" she asked, looking almost like she felt guilty that they had fused.

"What? No!" Steven started. "That was amazing, Spinel," he said, once again moving close to the gem. Another sheepish smile formed on Spinel's face. "Have you ever fused before?" Steven asked.

"Never," Spinel responded. "I didn't even know if I could." The gem lightly laughed to herself, thinking back on the feeling.

"Would you wanna try again?" the young man asked, picking up his jacket. "I wonder what they'd look like in this."

"Well..." the gem started hesitantly.

"It's alright!" Steven jumped in. "We don't have to if you don't want to."

"I just need time to think about it..." Spinel explained.

"Yeah, that's fine," Steven responded. The two then grew uncomfortably silent, Steven avoiding eye contact and shifting on the couch to distance himself from the gem beside him.

Spinel let out an overplayed annoyed groan, "That doesn't mean I don't want you over here, ya big dummy." The two giggled as Spinel wrapped her arms around Steven, pulling him close once more. The half-gem laid back, Spinel resting her head against him as they held onto each other. Their eyes drifted closed as they sat, simply enjoying the moment together. "You make me happier than anyone ever has," the gem eventually spoke up. Steven smiled down at the gem laying on his chest.

"Well I guess I'm lucky you only really have the Diamonds to compare me to," he responded, chuckling slightly.

"Don't do that to yourself," Spinel said in return. Steven clearly showed his confusion over the gem's words. "You're amazing, you shouldn't put yourself down like that."

"I don't know if 'amazing' is the right word..."

"It is, trust me." Steven kept his mouth shut, deciding to accept the compliment. He lifted Spinel's head slightly, meeting her gaze. They leaned in, lips meeting yet again. The two were locked together for some time, not finding the faintest urge to pull away.

"Oh, wow!" a laughing voice called out from the door that must have been opened without their notice. The two quickly swung around, spotting Amethyst standing by the door, still laughing.

Steven sighed, "Hi Amethyst," he said simply, rolling his eyes at the gem. Spinel had lowered her head back into Steven's chest, blushing as she attempted to avoid eye contact.

"You might've just beat your dad's record for fastest man to woo a gem!" The "wooed" gem against Steven's chest only shrunk further after the comment, pulling away from him to attempt masking her shame by herself. Steven groaned disapprovingly at Amethyst's reaction.

"And why exactly is this funny to you?" he asked the purple gem, not attempting to hide his annoyed demeanor.

"It's just so... I don't know, sudden?" Amethyst responded. "Heck, you two might just be fusing before we know it!" Their silence gave her all the answers she could have wanted. "oh my GOSH, you already fused?!"

"They were unstable," Steven began explaining. "Spinel's new to fusion, she doesn't know how to handle it yet." The pink gem was still just sitting there, awkwardly avoiding the others' looks.

"WAIT, what about Connie?!" Amethyst suddenly realized. Spinel's eyes shot over to Steven, a concerned look appearing under the embarrassment on her face.

"We've talked, I told her I need time to figure things out," Steven began explaining. "And that's what I'm doing," he added, placing a hand on top of Spinel's while showing her a warm smile, which she happily returned.

"Well, alright. Guess it's cool, then," Amethyst replied. "Gee, I made this kinda awkward, didn't I?" she said with an uncomfortable laugh.

"It was gonna be awkward anyway. Guess it's good to just get it out of the way," Steven said, Spinel giving a light nod in agreement. "I'm more worried about how weird it's going to be telling Pearl."

"What about Garnet?" Amethyst questioned. As if in response, a figure shifted by the door, seen for a moment before hiding away. The three held their attention on the now empty doorway.

"I had a feeling she already knew," Steven said, causing him and Amethyst to laugh lightly as Spinel's embarrassment only grew. "You kinda get used to Garnet always knowing what's going on," Steven explained to the pink gem. "Not sure why she's hiding though." With those words, Garnet stepped into the doorway, her expression appearing slightly more ashamed than usual.

"She probably just didn't want to break up your little moment," Amethyst suggested.

"I was... waiting for them to fuse," Garnet confessed. "It was really wonderful to see." The kind words relaxed Spinel a bit, now actually willing to look at the gem talking to them.

"Thanks Garnet, happy you think so," Steven said, taking another warm look at the gem by his side. She smiled back, finally willing to move back in to lean against him.

"So hey Garnet, wanna get out of here?" Amethyst asked after a moment of silence.

"But didn't you come here for something?" Garnet questioned back.

"Not important! Let's go!" the short gem responded, turning Garnet around and pulling her towards the door. "See ya!" she called back at the two on the couch.

"See ya guys!" Steven chuckled through the words as Amethyst pulled Garnet through the door. The young man felt Spinel relax further as the other two disappeared from sight. The sun had gone down, leaving the two in their own little world of light, contrasted by the dark beach outside. He leaned back again, guiding Spinel back to lay against his chest. The gem let out a light, satisfied sigh as he wrapped an arm around her.

"I could probably stay like this forever," she told Steven as she attempted to pull him even closer.

"How does the next six thousand years sound?" he asked in response.

"Steven!" Spinel shouted angrily, sitting up to give the half-gem a nasty look.

"Sorry!" Steven reacted quickly. "I shouldn't have said that... I'm sorry." The gem let herself fall back onto his chest.

"It's so hard to stay mad at you," she admitted. "If anything, you should still be mad at me."

"What?" Steven started. "Why would I be mad?"

"I tried to kill you!"

"So has almost everyone else I know."

"But this is different." Spinel stayed on the young man's chest, using her position as an excuse not to meet his gaze. "Everyone else saw Pink Diamond, or Rose Quartz, or even just a nameless thing to take their anger out on, but not me. I saw _you,_ and I thought I hated you. I wanted you _dead."_

Steven took a moment to think out his reaction. "... You were in a bad place, and I wasn't being helpful, but that's behind us. It doesn't matter now."

"You really want to forgive people that much, huh?" Steven could feel his shirt once again becoming wet with tears. "Still willing to love the one who hated you the most."

"I'm more than just 'willing', Spinel," Steven explained, quickly capturing the gem's full attention as she pulled away yet again to look into his eyes. "I feel the way I do because I want to, because it feels right." They were silent again.

"Gee, I'm _still_ crying, aren't I?" the gem asked as she wiped tears off of her cheek. "Thanks, again..."

"Of course. I don't want you putting yourself down, just like you do for me." She was smiling again, warming Steven's heart to where it may just burn right through him. Suddenly, a yawn escaped the half-gem's mouth. "Wow, it's getting late. I'm gonna head to bed, if that's alright," he said as he pushed himself off of the couch.

"Wait!" Spinel called out. "Can I come along?" A tint of red spread over Steven's face.

"Uh... yeah, sure!" he said awkwardly. "Yeah, that's fine!" Spinel shot up excitedly, taking Steven's hand and waiting for him to take the lead. The two made their way up the stairs and into Steven's room. "Uh, hey Spinel," Steven started. "Could I get some privacy for a second?"

"What for?" Spinel asked obliviously.

"To change into something comfortable."

"Oh! Y-yeah, sure." Spinel let go of the young man's hand, turning around as she began to share his awkward feeling. "Do you... need me to leave or..."

"Oh, no! You're fine just facing that way," Steven responded quickly, pushing out a small chuckle to try easing the tension. Pulling off his shirt, Steven noticed a bit of movement out of the corner of his eye. A short moment later he was dressed, climbing into bed and inviting Spinel to follow. She slid in next to him, still appearing embarrassed. "I saw you peeking," he said after a small bit of silence. A small frightened squeak escaped the gem before she sunk down, hiding her face.

"Sorry..." she said simply.

"It's fine, Spinel," Steven responded with a light laugh. Spinel brought herself back up, once again meeting Steven's eyes with her own.

"I love you," she told him as she closed her eyes, fully relaxing into the bed.

"I love you too," Steven replied, planting a kiss on Spinel's forehead and watching her smile grow before letting his own eyes drift shut. "Goodnight Spinel."

"Goodnight Steven Universe," Spinel said, basking in the amazing feeling of being wanted, _of being loved._


End file.
